When will this end?

by Ashley

I have had anxiety, depression, panic, and agoraphobia for almost 5 years now.. It's the worst feeling in the world I get so tense, it feels like troopers up my spine, numbness on all limbs, dizziness trouble breathing, dry mouth the whole thing. I used to have them every single day! My worst one yet is when I went to see my mema in the nursing home, I begin to feel tons of pressure in my whole body Ii begged my mom to take me to the emergency room but she wouldn't she took me to the car and wanted me to go home and relax I was freaking out so bad the whole time I thought I was about to die! I then kicked out the windshield, I always seem to have these blank moments I can't remember. I had to get homeschooled my last semester of high school because I experciened a boy having a seizure in the school cafeteria that's when my acrophobia kicked in, it seemed as it took forever for the school system to get me homeschooled I ate lunch I'm the bathroom I was so TERRIFIEd. Nobody really understands unless they have anxiety. It's crippling and it's so tiring. I am a very bad hypochondriac I believe if I have a headache or a pain somewhere there is something terribly wrong with me. I live in constant fear. I Most of the time put on a smile and go do what's needed. I had a panic attack last night I was just laying down relaxing on my phone and out of nowhere boom panic fear entered my body I get very agitated and angry and sad. My lips go numb and guess what it makes me freak out even more! When I'm in the grocery store everything feels like it's closing up I feel like I'm about to fall out I leave my fiancé and run to the bathroom just so I can catch a breathe I have trouble riding in the car I feel like I'm trapped and there's no possible way for me to get out I feel like I'm going to die every time but hey I always make it, I hope all of you know your not alone it's awful but it's all going to be okay I try talking to myself over and over again just saying it's going to be okay this has happened before sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't please just don't give up we are strong people and we have a reason to be here, just pray. I am now on 50 mg of Zoloft and I take a Benadryl with it the Benadryl ( yes the allergy medicine) has antihistamine in it that calms me down. Sometime when my body tries to relax it just starts freaking out I jump off the bed and I feel all these electrical pulses run from my head to my toes. I sometimes wake up with my mind and heart going 90 to nothing and all these little "bee stings" everywhere it's a awful thing to go through but I will continue to try and stay strong!

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