Numb and dumber

by Jay

After binging out on coke, eventually I got some good stuff that had me stiffened into a chair with a 7 hour panic attack. I thought I had survived an overdose and almost walked to a public area for someone to find my body; had I been able to move I would have. This isn't the worst panic attack, but in fact my unknowing expedition to it. I quit cold turkey to get my life back together, but I was suffering heart palpitations in the shortcoming weeks that followed.
Eventually, the worst one came from a day at work. I was young still but could swear I was about to die. My heart was racing and I felt a sharp stabbing pain in my chest. I felt assured that because of the blow my life was now over, and even though it didn't end that day, you could say it has figuratively.
I was around 30 people witnessing me about for some help. I walked to my boss and said get me the hell out of here. Words can't efficiently describe the terror I felt. I texted my mom I loved her while my heart raced faster than if I had sprinted every second I had been laying down on that filthy work carpet. "I love you". All I could type while unable to control my own body.
Eventually paramedics came and fed me oxygen while I was calming down again after 30 minutes of self afflicted resting heart rate was 180. I had lost my job and spent a year with a jerk cardiologist. I kept getting them and to this day have a fear of getting my heart rate high. I don't get them anymore but can honestly say that having random extreme panic attacks is life ruining. What makes it worse was I did it to myself and couldn't undo it.

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