my mornings when my kids goes to school

by martha
(brampton, Ontario, canada)

I have had anxiety ,panic attacks for about 6 years, I'm 32 and have 2 children.I'm have been diagnosed with GAD which is generalized anxiety disorder with severe agoraphobia. my worst times are in the morning and when my children go to school and my brother leaves for work or husband goes to work.and I'm home allone , well my mom is but that makes me feel I'm alone. I hate being home alone, I have not been out alone, nor do I ever ever stay home alone,I have fear of fainting. when I was little i had epilepsy, and had many seizures in public,in school, in movie theaters, in banks, in the mall,,u name it I had seizures, I have been seizure free for 13 years,but when I get these full blown attacks it's like I'm having an aura of a seizure, which terrifies me to a point I wanna die. I live in constant fear,most normal parents would walk their 6 year old to,school, I take a cab so just I won't have a fear that I will have a seizure walking her, it's horrible, people that have never experienced an attack will never understand the struggle we go through day to day. .suicide has crossed my mind many times, cause I'm exhausted and mentally drained from worry feelings...I know I'm not the only one that has this horrible feeling,I am now on ciprelex and klopin. which helps , but I hate medication but it's what gets me through the day sometimes...wishing everyone would have a miracle and be normal,I know that it's horrible, but 1 thing I do is pray..

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