Every one is the worst

by Ashkey
(Pa)

The first time I had one I was twelve . I remember being in the car with my dad and asking him if I was dreaming because I couldn't tell what was reality and what was a dream. I convinced myself I would wake up. Everything got super bright and artificial. My chest got tight and this weird fear of nothing will ever be the same swept over me . From then on I developed headaches and became very introverted and quiet . I'm now 21 and still get them a couple times a month and its debilitating . Throwing me into the arms of self infliction eating disorders alcohol and agoraphobia. Some days I'm fine and other days I can just tell that today is the day . And I do everything in my power the other days not to have one . I've had break downs at art , during yoga , at work , during sex , eating . Randomly . It's embarrassing because I don't want people to have to deal with it because it's hard enough for me to deal with it . I pick up on other people vibes easily and that can trigger one . I don't take meds I'm too afraid . But every time I have an attack it leaves me begging on my knees for something to take it away. I've driven myself to the ER multiple times . I'm at a loss for words with this disorder . Other than to take the good days with the bad .

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