Being at the edge of death

by Dillon
(Michigan )

I've had drug induced panic attacks and panic attacks that have occurred while I'm sober. Both are equally as scary. I had another one about a night ago, i could be having a good night and something so small could set it off. Personally my panic attacks are caused by paranoia or fear. There are symptoms and signs but you will never understand until you are in the situation. My 2 most common signs on a daily basis include a Feeling of being chocked and severe chest pain. Those symptoms alone can open so many doors into my already uneasy way of thinking. My panic attacks tend to hang on a scale 1-10. Yesterday's was about an 8. My body was numb, my vision was blurry I couldn't breathe I was sweating and trembling. I had to leave my friend's house because of the fear of being judged which was only making it worse. I rode my bike a mile before I had to get off. When my panic attacks get to a certain point I lose touch of reality. It's like what ever my brain wants to think is what I'll believe at the time. So if you feel like you're actually about to die it's like staring a gun in the face. I've called 911 sounding like a maniac over the phone. When my panic attacks get bad I begin to hallucinate and hear voices. These voices will tell me things that will make me question if I'm even alive. It's weird to say but it's scary. It's gotten so bad that I've ran around my house looking for a gun (note that I don't have a gun) but at that time if I were to find one I think I would of blew my brains out right there. It's messed up to think. Even after my panic attacks I feel like it takes 4-5 hours sometimes days for my brains to properly work again. Lmao

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