what just happened...

by ryan f
(steubenville ohio, U.S)

im a 19 year old male, ive been diagnosed with general anxiety, adhd, and i have anger management issues and regularly get cluster headaches. i had to write this somewhere and get everything off my chest...

literally, 45 minutes ago i experienced the worst panic attack ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing... please excuse spelling and punctuation, im still shaking. i was looking up scary stories and began to feel unease, which eventually transformed into sheer terror. i felt so afraid that i felt sick to my stomach and still do, i quickly got dressed and became more and more afraid. feeling contradicting feelings all the while. i felt the urge to get out, not calmly vacate the premisis but to run, to run as fast as i could. i jumped on my bike and began speeding away from my house. i felt as if i wasn't in control of my body, but i was(which might be why i didn't trust myself). i felt as if i was limp, but i wasn't, i felt disconnected from myself and from reality.. like nothing was real, but i still knew it was. those contradicting feelings drove me mad and scared me even more as i sped away from the house and made my way to the local park, i stopped at a small store and nervously bought a drink before hopping back on my bike and speeding away toward the park. once i got there i rode through the trails till i saw no sign of civilization or people and basically hid there. i sat on a swing and drank my drink, feeling insanely paranoid... eventually i calmed down, though i felt weak and on edge still... i mean i have general anxiety disorder, and every other panic attack ive ever suffered was absolutely nothing compared to this.. this even emensly dwarfed the panic attack i had as a result of a serious reaction to some meds my neurologist gave me for my headaches and anxiety.

again i apologize for the grammar and spelling but im still very freaked out right now.... i have no idea what just happened and im still very confused and disoreinted and scared from the incident....

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