Night panic

by Marinochka
(The Netherlands)

I was on a school ski trip and mentally it hadn't been great. Of the two other girls in my dorm, both had got boyfriends on the trip (whilst I was single), one of which was the boy whom I secretly liked, whilst one of then had also been self harming herself whilst we were there, which was a huge stress factor. Overall, I felt down and sick, alongside the paranoid fear that I get when on my period. One of the nights we were there, there was a talent show that we were expected to attend. To make it blur, I took two energy tablets and drunk an energy drink beforehand, which got me through seeing my friend and the boy I liked being all sweet together. An hour after taking the energy stuff, we were told it was time for bed. Felt sick, in that mentally unclean sort of way, but got ready and into bed. We all chatted for a bit before we drifted off. I remember having no dreams, which is odd as I'm usually a vivid dreamer. At about 3-4:30am, I woke up and knew something was wrong. I felt locked in my own body, like I was suffocating in the covers, the pyjamas, even on my skin. I didn't know where I was or why I was still alive, I felt like I was falling off a mountain at multiple times, with random flashes of reality and tricks my mind was playing on me flying about before my eyes. I wanted to scream and cry and thrash around, but all I could do is lie paralysed staring at the wall. I must have been there for anything from 10-45 mins (I can't really remember time, I wasn't in a very coherent state), before I managed to break out and ran to the bathroom, where I lay on the floor trying to calm down. I wanted to stop my heart, to claw my skin off, I felt like I was drowning in life. Finally, when is calmed down, I got back into bed and went into a scarily deep sleep. Probably the worst experience of my life, NEVER take energy supplements close to bed if you are prone to panic attacks or other mental problems like me.

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